dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
