Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
