we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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