bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
