I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
