Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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