i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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