Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
