Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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