i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
