God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
