Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
