your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
