Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
