Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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