I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
