So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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