Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
