Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
