I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
