thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
