she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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