so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
