I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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