I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
