Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You pole danced in your parka.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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