I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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