It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im part way to drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
