im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please come you make the beer taste better
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
