sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My penis needs a shock collar
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
