I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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