Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
