I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
