I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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