He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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