Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
