So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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