You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
