Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
