Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
