I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
