Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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