i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
