i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
