They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
