...so i touched it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
