my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
