Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
