How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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