Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
