come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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