so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
