okay pat passed out under dana's car
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am available for nakedness
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
